Creative Use of Punctuation

Signs like this are a familiar sight to those on BYU campus. In months with a letter r, these little gems dot the campus, cutting off all the most commonly used shortcuts across the grass. They are rather obnoxious with their pretense of politeness. I always imagine I can hear the blades of grass crying shrilly from the ground, “pleeease! Pleeaaaaase!” in tiny grassy voices. But I guess I relate to the sentiment. At least the president of BYUSA isn’t standing there singing “Cougars don’t cut corners!” derisively as I sneak past hurriedly on my way to class. But what I really wonder at is those conspicuous three periods…

The BYU Grounds signs are not the only ones on this campus that have interesting punctuation. I found this one while wandering around the Clyde one day. It is all grammatically fine, but I wonder who thought that quotation marks around thank you are necessary. If they are being used traditionally, why is someone speaking the words? Does that make the statement of gratitude more sincere, with the intent of making me feel guilty for taking comestibles into this computer lab? Didn’t work very well, because I am probably still going to sneak my sandwich in there if I am really hungry.  

These quotation marks, found on all the library’s emergency exit doors, are even more baffling. Hmm, are these scare quotes? Should the statement do not use anytime NOT be interpreted literally? Maybe that is just a suggestion, because come on, you can’t really mean that I can’t EVER use those doors, especially since they are doors…

Now to a really good one. The combination of ellipsis and exclamation point absolutely convinces me that if I even take so much as one step, and especially if I (gasp) RUN! on that prized grass, that the ground will open up beneath my feet and I will be swallowed by the depths of the darkest hell!

And last, but not least, everyone’s favorite:

First of all, I just have to compliment this sign-maker on their very astute choice of lettering style. Those letters just seem to drip off the sign like running blood, bringing to mind every B and C-list horror movie ever made. And the choice of not just three, but FOUR periods at the end of this sentence really conveys the foreboding of absolute, imminent, inescapable, terrible fate that awaits you here…