The Editor in Me

Grammar and punctuation suck. They're both confusing, especially since nobody teaches you how to use them in school any more. Since I got a degree in using grammar and punctuation correctly, I thought I would offer a little help to all those of you who have fortunately decided not to devote your life to making everyone around you think that you are a snob. Editors such as myself really don't want to make you feel stupid, but the truth is that writing this stuff incorrectly inevitably does make you look a little out of the loop. And that's not fair, because you aren't! Many of us depend on spell check to save our tails, but spell check is not very good at checking for these kinds of grammar and punctuation mistakes. So here are a few reminders and a few tricks I've learned to make sure I don't look like a noob when I write something, whether it is in a blog post or just a comment on Facebook.

Overcorrecting: "Someone and I" vs. "Someone and me"

We've heard this trick a thousand times before, but nobody seems to remember it. Take away the other person, and if you wouldn't say I, then you MUST say me. We have been corrected for saying this wrong for so long that many people try to play it safe by saying I all the time, but that is basically the same mistake. Don't be an overcorrector!

Jordan and I went to a concert last week. CORRECT! (I went to a concert last week.)
They almost didn't let Jordan and me in. CORRECT! (They almost didn't let me in.)

Possession by two people: "Someone and I's"

I's is not correct. Ever. Never ever ever. Spell check, despite its shortcomings, WILL underline this, so I'm not sure why people still write I's, especially since most web browsers have built-in spell checks these days. I know that pretty much any way you try to say it, it sounds funny when you need to talk about something that belongs to you and another person; it's always such a mouthful. That's because there is no correct way to form a sentence like this, at least not that I have heard of. I lean toward using mine and Someone's--"mine and Jordan's anniversary was in August," but even that sounds dumb. However, it doesn't create a whole new word that sounds absolutely ridiculous, as I's does. If you want to say something like this, you basically just have to reword your sentence. "Jordan and I had our anniversary in August." Stinky and time consuming and more wordy, but at least you don't look like a fool.

Grandma's what are special? I don't even want to know what
your first mental response to that statement was.

Possessives: the elusive 's

It is very unfortunate that possessives and plurals are represented by the same sound in our language, but there it is. I often find mistakes in my own writing when I read over it a second time, so even us trained editors are not infallible, but here are some tips to help you sort out when to use 's.


The 's attached to the end of regular words means one thing only: possession. It does NOT mean plural. I very often see sentences like "No Dog's Allowed in Park." There is no need for an apostrophe here, because there is no ownership. "No Dog's Poop Allowed in Park," sure. But if you want the dogs and their feces to stay out, then you don't need the apostrophe.

Things get more confusing when its and it's enter the picture. The word with the apostrophe should be a possessive, right? In this case, not so. I don't think I have ever seen someone write her's or hi's to indicate possession, so most of us seem to understand those words pretty well--no apostrophe is needed because the possession is built right into the word. Its is the same way. Hers, his, and its are all possessive pronouns, so they all work the same. If "it" owns something, even if the "it" is an inanimate object (the shirt had its sleeves cut off) or you are talking about a quality or attribute (The tree drooped; its sadness overwhelmed me), an apostrophe is not needed. The ONLY time you need the apostrophe is when you are actually saying "it is". If you are unsure, start replacing "it's" with "his" and see if the sentence makes sense. "The dog wags its tail--The dog wags his tail:" no apostrophe needed in its, because that makes sense. "It's all downhill from here--His all downhill from here?" Nope, doesn't make sense, so an apostrophe is necessary.

Also, I just have to say to all you crafters out there making those cute little signs announcing who lives in your house: it should be "The Dzubaks," NOT "The Dzubak's." If you put House or Residence at the end of the second one then it is great, but otherwise, NO APOSTROPHE. It really bugs me when I pass someone's adorable little house with a painted mailbox out front and it says "The Wyatt's." Really a cuteness buzz-kill.



There are other things people write all over the internet and in other public arenas that really get my goat, but I won't bore you with them here. Besides, you would probably just think I am a mean snob face. I'll admit that I sometimes mock writing errors, but I also know that this stuff is just hard for some people to remember. We're all good at different things. I may have a killer sixth sense about when to use hyphens, but ask me to do simple addition without the aid of my fingers? Be prepared to wait many painful seconds while I carefully calculate what seven plus four is. And multiplication without a calculator--forget it. So you can always come to me with questions about grammar, punctuation, and spelling, but keep those confusing numbers at home.